What if you could find a better way to help your kids — and yourself?

Your kids lost their sports during the coronavirus pandemic, and they felt the loss. 

It affected you, too.

Think about what life was like before the shutdown.

Their lives and yours often revolved around sports. You needed to get them to and from games, not to mention practices, and you wanted to attend every match or meet. Finding the time wasn’t always easy. Finding the money for all their equipment and fees and travel and so much more could be challenging, too. 

You wanted to do what was best for your kids, but sometimes it just seemed like an endless array of impossible decisions:

• Should you steer them to play multiple sports? Should a chance at a scholarship affect your decision? Should their love of sports supersede balance in their lives? And in yours? Should you let them play on elite teams that stress winning? Or put them in a league stressing development? Or in a league that lets them play more? Or in a league that stresses fun?

• When is it OK to say something to the coach? What if other parents are doing it? When is it OK for your kids to say something to the coach? What if the coach is your best friend? Or your spouse?

• When is it OK to say something to other parents who are obnoxious at the game? When is it OK to boo opponents? Or scream at officials? Or at the coach?

• What do you say to your kids before the game? During the game? After the game? Do you prioritize winning? Or fun? Do you emphasize their performance? Their improvement? Their areas for improvement? Or their efforts?

  * * *

* * *

Just when you thought you had at least some of the answers, the coronavirus came along and changed the questions.

You were left trying to figure it all out, same as your kids are. What do you say to them? What are they feeling? How do I help get them through this?

Their loss was real. They were sad, angry, grieving. They didn’t understand how to cope with this. You didn’t have any experience with this. Who did?

And when word spread that sports was returning, you were left trying to figure that out, too, same as your kids.

Here is the good news. You have the ability to handle all of this. The fact that you are reading this proves it. You just might need some help to decide what you want to do. 

That’s when I can help.

* * *

* * *

I am a certified professional coach who specializes in sports fans, youth sports parents and sports widow(er)s. The youth sports website SportsEngine quoted me on how parents can help their kids through and after the coronavirus shutdown.

The sports shutdown can give you and your kids an opportunity to reflect on what you really want. They can regain their childhood and their love of sports. You can decide how you want to show up in ways that support your kids and your values. 

The truth is, kids are quitting sports because kids aren’t having fun. The pressure is too much. It’s coming from coaches, from parents, everywhere.

You mean well. You care. You get carried away sometimes. You are human. You forget the age and level of the players. And coaches. And umpires. You never wanted to become one of those parents, the ones who would push their kids to extremes. You know, like Todd Marinovich’s father. 

He turned Todd into “America’s first test-tube athlete,” Sports Illustrated wrote. He’d stretch Todd’s hamstrings at one month old, have Todd teethe on frozen kidney, send Todd to kids’ birthday parties with his own cake and ice cream “to avoid sugar and refined white flour.” Todd became a first-round NFL draft pick, but the so-called “Robo QB” also became a drug addict, known more for time in rehab, on probation or in jail than in pro football.

As a sports writer and a father, I would see cautionary tales everywhere. There was the baseball dad who berated his 8-year-old son for striking out on a high pitch. There was the soccer mom who kept screaming at an official (only a few years older than the kids) before she kicked an out-of-bounds ball — hard — off his shins. Less blatant yet still powerful examples are too easy to find.

Look, you want your child to have every chance to “succeed.” Maybe your parents pushed you. Maybe you wish they had. Maybe you wish they hadn’t. Maybe times have changed. Maybe every kid has a different personality. Maybe you aren’t sure where to turn for help.

I am not here to judge you. I am here to commend you for taking steps to figure out how you want to best support your children.

That stress you feel is common and understandable.

Now you .

* * *

* * *

You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody is. You have choices, even if you don’t see them.

We can talk about some of the research. You can decide for yourself when it is time to say something to your kids, and what, in healthy ways for you and for your family.

Imagine how it would feel to partner with a coach who won’t tell you what to do, but will support you, help you see what has you stuck or frustrated, will guide you to follow your values, one achievable step at a time. 

Imagine what it would be like to approach your child in ways that aren’t from anger or helplessness, but a sense of calm and confidence. You still are the parent, but the parent you want to be.

I look forward to working with you.